He cheated, she’s pregnant, Please Help!

HomeCategory: PregnancyHe cheated, she’s pregnant, Please Help!
Licep1954 asked 4 years ago

This is a long and detailed story but I will try and get to the facts. I met a wonderful guy. We will call him John. John is in the army and lives 2 1/2 hrs from me. We met, we dated we fell in love. We see each other as much as we can as his parents live local to me, he comes back as much as he can. We have a lot of fun together, are very affectionate and have a very forgiving and accepting relationship dynamic. We are both in our early twenties. John has some issues, that I on a very deep level understand. He is very insecure, finds it hard to talk to his parents, finds it hard to talk to anyone actually. But he is starting to talk to me. He has a bit of a shady past, a consequtive string of mistakes and wrong doings in his teenage years, as a result – a lot of people giving up on him. But please, understand that this guy is not a bad guy. You know when you just know? There is a very fundamental difference between John, and a couple of abusive frogs I dated prior to him. John does not get a kick out of hurting anyone, John protects me relentlessly and he also feels guilt immeasurably. He came back over Christmas leave and we had a rough patch. I don’t know what causes this but I think it was down to the fact that he was skint, we were relying on my wage packet, and I wanted his time – all the time. We weren’t communicating and it was just rubbish. Christmas night, John was supposed to come to my house. Instead, he went out got blind drunk, and cheated. Along with this he had also borrowed £110 from my account without asking (he had my card on him) . I found out about the money immediately on Boxing Day. This to me, was no big deal – we’ve both been quite sharing and trusting with money in our relationship. As he lives in the next town I asked my friend to drive to pick him up. He shut down and refused to see me for 2 days out of nowhere. I did suspect it at this point but I asked and he denied and I just trusted him. To me, cheating is not the worse thing in the world. Although this has hurt me, I know this has nothing to do with ‘how much he loves me’. I do not feel jeolous, or crazy about it. Where the cheating in concerned with John, I know that came from a place that he doesn’t even understand (his mum cheated on his Dad). So John goes back to came and I didn’t know any different. I missed him, he became distant. Then one day, (after a couple of weeks) he admits to me that ‘before we got together’ he slept with someone and that now, she is pregnant and she is keeping it. My instant feeling was shock and hurt, but my reaction was – ok we’ll get through this, let’s start to save, let’s get ourselves together. I told my parents who even though concerned about me, accepted the idea and chose to suppose me. Then I started to ask questions, and then I started to think. And then I got no answers. Dates didn’t add up, he would tell me ‘who’. I hacked his Facebook. And there it was- he had cheated on Christmas Day. My heart sank and I tore him a new ‘a-hole’. But that’s not what I need help with – I can deal with that. Probing more into the conversation this girl had actually told him that she planned, and completed an abortion. She spoke in detail about costs (which weren’t correct by Marie stopes website and also my previous experience) and was speaking about her getting money for it, she spoke about the pain she felt following the abortion. A week later- she announced that she never went through with it. She also says that she’s nearly 4 weeks when actually, she would be 6 by gestational ages ect. My immediate thought was that she was lying. There were so many holes in her story that I was sure of it. I told John to be careful and not take anything for gospel. Today, she sent a booking appointment letter to him. A real one. Again, my heart sank. We have been hoping that this is a lie and that we can salvage our relationship. But I am still not convinced. I told John that I needed to speak to her woman to woman. As John and I, see a future together I felt that it was important and I learned the following: She is bipolar – and has a personality disorder She smokes weed She is 26 (John is 20) She has had 2 misscaridges previously and sees this as a ‘chance’ Has no romantic interest in John Has no desire for his money I was amicable with her but I really needed to understand certain things, I also told her that she can’t expect John to suddenly play the part because he does not know what to do, and is shocked. His parents adore me, and he is terrified of telling them what he has done. He had made it clear that he does not expect me to stay with him but at the same time, loves me and does not want to loose me. I know I should be angry but I just can’t be. All I can see right now, is the fact that this guy that I care about, made a mistake that lots of young men make and is being so unfairly punished for it. I am fully acceptant that we might not work out now, but we did see a future together, and regardless of what happens we are always going to be the best of friends. I believe in him, and I just can’t accept or think it’s ok for him to be attached to this woman for the rest of his life. I know this might sound harsh, and that I shouldn’t judge but to me that just seems so cruel. We both feel so helpless. He may be getting medically discharged from the army because of an injury which will mean that he will be unemployed, and I will love him regardless of his employment status. His parents are giving him an unholy amount of grief about this because it’s s family tradition and have been disappointed with Johns time in the army (multiple medical issues that are NOT his fault) Regardless of his mistakes because that is just how we are. I desperately need advise, I want a way out. I understand this woman’s position I really do, but This feels so unfair and I feel like we are having our happy ending ripped away from us :'( x help x