Can’t stop blaming myself for everything that happened -Help!

HomeCategory: BreakupsCan’t stop blaming myself for everything that happened -Help!
WillGetThru asked 7 years ago

I don’t know what to do anymore. I feel trapped. I was in a 7 year relationship up until 9 months ago and I keep re hashing everything in my mind. I can’t stop blaming myself. We met when we were 17 years old, and went to the same schools, took the same courses, etc. we were always together. We graduated college and then lived together for 2 years. We kind of got into a routine and wouldn’t strive to grow or do anything to make our lives better. Neither of us noticed it for a long time. Last year, things got hectic. I was applying for grad school, he was already in grad school pursuing his masters and we didn’t seek out quality time with the other. We neglected each others needs. So I felt kind of lonely, wanted to branch out and make new friends. I thought I would talk to my coworkers more and learn more about them. The mistake I made tho was talking to an attractive coworker, every time I got around him I felt butterflies, nothing I had ever felt before around my bf. We ended up talking everyday and I looked forward to our interactions. He helped me to see the world in a different way, etc. I got really scared bc I was able to connect with him more and laugh with more than my bf and this wasn’t my intention. I would come home scared and preoccupied. I told my bf how I was feeling and he told me its normal to be attracted to other people but what scared me most that we didn’t have a good connection and didn’t share conversation like I did with my coworker. My ex bf and I began to feel our connection dissipating. We tried to spark more passion but couldn’t. He ended up breaking up with me 6 months later. I’m still hurting and I’m still blaming myself. I keep thinking that if I had never met my coworker we would’ve never broken up. My ex told me that this was inevitable bc we didn’t have chemisty and that he reason why he never asked me to marry him was bc he didn’t see the feeling in the future. In spite of what he says, I’m still hurting bc if he truly felt that way a long time ago why didn’t he break up with me? I just don’t know what to do. I loved and cared about him and kept contacting him 4 months after we broke up. Then one month later he had a new gf (5 months after our breaking up). He ignores my messages now and started to 5 months ago….and when he does ignore them I feel even worse about myself and everything that happened. Like maybe I deserve it bc of my infatuation feelings I had. I just want relief and constructive criticism from people…