have been trying, but nothing is getting better

HomeCategory: Breakupshave been trying, but nothing is getting better
Gig_Vigilance asked 7 years ago

i lost my fiance 9 months as of saturday the 7th of september. i had a hard time for the first few months, accepted she wasnt comming back, and tried dating, although that went no where. nothing has gotten better, in fact it has gotten worse. not only did i become pretty much a shut in, (meaning, i dont really go out anywhere) my entire life took a spiral down the shitter. we had our own apartment, both were working, and saving money (mainly her, id give up all my checks so she could save up and then she left, i lost the apartment due to inability to pay, had to quit my job because i had to move back home which was too far away drive wise for the amount of hours and pay i was getting. since then, ive had one job that lasted one month, all because i wound up losing use of my right arm for a few weeks. they “dont have work for a one armed man” and kept sending me home. my employment agency cancelled my contract with them so they couldnt fire me, and havent given me a job yet. ive done apps on my own, and did interviews, and got nothing. all my dates or female encounters have been busts. they seem to find someone after being on a date with me though… then i had my ex text me out of the blue. she was talking about how she regretted leaving me… how she wished it never happened (she already has yet another boyfriend). it just rose up all my feelings for her again to hear her say it was her being std for leaving me, and regreting. that i deserved better than her, she isnt the woman that i was suppost to marry. but she would have loved to be my wife… and that our life was her “universe” and it killed her to leave me… it took a few days and it sunk in… it brought back the man i tried to kill… i started burying it again, but the 6th, friday, was a wedding right next door… watching that just made it worse… reminded me what i lost. what i would be doing about spring or summer of 2014… and as i thought of it, my heart sank. i wanted to lock myself further away. this is the first time in over a month i reached out for answers. ive been unusually quiet, and my family is starting to take notice. they are trying to make me go out and do things. the last time i felt this low was april 26th, when i tried to go my little brothers route and try to off myself… i know i cant do that as an option again… and i know i have friends and family who still want me around… but this pain is getting to be a lot to bare….so now i ask my question. what should i do? ive tried being positive, turning my life around, being proactive. what are some steps that are religious. i state that because i dont want a religious debate on here. i need help….please